The End of the Universe Lyrics & Tabs by Lewis Black
The End of the Universe
guitar chords lyrics
One of the reasons I'm glad to be back in Atlanta is;
since I was here last time,
I made an extraordinary discovery that I really want to share with you
It's kind of overwhelming
Much more so than the discovery that N Sync was gay
You see I travel a lot,
and the fact of the matte is
in my travels I
i
found something that changed the way I look at things
From the beggining of time, man, has looked at the heavens,
and firmly believed that the universe ends out in space
It's not true
The end of the universe happens to be in the United States
I HAVE SEEN IT
It's not true
The end of the universe happens to be in the United States
I HAVE SEEN IT
and, oddly enough
it's in Huston, Texas
I know... I know... I was shocked too
I left the comedy club there and walked down the street.
On one corner there was a Starbucks.
And across the street
from the Starbucks
in the exact same building as that Starbucks,
was a Starbucks
At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes
but no
there was a Starbucks
across from a Starbucks
and that
my friends
is the end of the universe
people have said to me
how do you know
and I said
go there
stand between those two Starbuks
look at your watch
time
stands still.
And if you turn this way,
and look just at this Starbucks, imidiately you think
"you know when I turn around
there can not possibly be a Starbucks behind me"
No one would have been that stupid to have built a Starbucks across from a Starbucks
and if there was a just and loving god
he wouldn't allow THAT KNIND OF SHIT TO GO DOWN
so you turn slowly thinking
"Well, I'll see a Gap or a Denny's, maybe even a Mobile station"
BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!!
What do you think the man was thinking
who stood in the empty line
and looked across the street the Starbucks that was already built
when he turned to his wife and kinds and said,
"you know, I have a vision."
I'm gonna build a Starbucks
across from the Starbucks
{son}:"Why would you do that daddy?"
{father to son}: "Because it'll be the end of the Universe, YOU LITTLE SHIT"
I've pondered long and hard
as to what group of people might need a service like that.
I mean a Starbucks across from a Starbucks
and there's only one group of people
that would need that
and that group
and there must be a large number of those there
are people with Alzheimer's
Don't go 'oh'
You can't go 'oh'
It has to be Alzheimer's
okay?
It's the only group that makes the joke work
okay?
What if I said
"oh, there must have been a large amount of Jews there"
You would have gone,
"What the fuck is he talking about?"
Oh the Irish
they love their coffee beans
IT'S ALZHEIMER'S
It has to be a group that has to sit there and drink coffe
and then get up,
walk to the door
You see what I see?
"Son of a bitch it's a Starbucks"
"I think it's time we had a cup of Jo"
